Clearwater Tarn We're saying more than words

Lenae nodded. She knew that she had friends here, allies she could depend upon. It made the process of motherhood a little less terrifying. It was awful, daunting in ways she'd never dreamt of experiencing but it wasn't the end of the world, no matter what happened she and her little ones would have a home here. She found comfort in that, even if only a little.

The Little Selwyn wasn't entirely sure if Cheedo would want to talk about that. If she was anything like Lenae then sometimes it was best to leave the hurt buried, where it didn't hurt as much. Dragging it to the forefront was supposed to give a sense of closure, but whenever Lenae tried to get over what had happened-well there was no getting over that. She could only try to move on, leave all the hurt behind.

Her ears tipped forward as Cheedo went onto explained what had happened.Lenae tried her best to mask her emotions, to keep her thoughts in check, but it was hard, Lenae was just so emotive. She swallowed thickly as tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, she couldn't imagine such pain. It was incomparable to what she had been through, hurt came in all shapes and sizes, one did not trump the other or make it any less meaningful. In the end they had all been through so much, every member of the Tarn needed time to heal, to find themselves again.

"It wasn't you." Lenae found herself saying, her voice no louder than a whisper.

She cleared her throat and raised her shoulders, trying to be taller, stronger. After all, Cheedo was hurting, she had to do what she could to make it better. Even if she was anything but well herself.

"I don't know what went wrong but...I know it wasn't you. You did your best. You'd be a wonderful mother, I know it.... I'm sorry you never got that chance. Maybe...maybe next year?" Lenae knew she was one and done. No more for her thank you very much.

To Cheedo her friendships were important because this was the first time in her life that she'd felt like she'd had them. Lenae, sweet and kind Lenae had been her friend since the Monadnock and it had hurt her badly when she truly they wouldn't ever be friends again. Knowing now that wasn't the case she needed to make sure that Cheedo had to plans to let her go through becoming a mother all by herself.

It was hard recounting what had happened with her pups. Seeing it in her mind we she spoke about it like it was just yesterday when it had happened. She'd thought she'd started to accept it and move on with her life but it was still so painful as she described it to Lenae. Still it felt good telling someone she trusted and seeing the new mothers reaction she felt like the other woman could maybe understand.

When Lenae spoke of it not being her fault Cheedo nodded. It had taken her a long time to understand that and what had happened. She should have known that it wasn't her fault considering how many puppies had been lost that year. She had put the pieces together skd understood it was Craw's fault that her children had not survived.

“I know, it was their father.” He had doomed them before they had even been born. He'd given her false hope and then took it all away. Now when she found have told him exactly how she felt he wasn't around.

The tawny woman smiled as she saw Lenae's posture change. She was appreciative to have her friend back and she knew that she could count on Lenae if she needed her and right then she did.

“Thank you Lenae, there have been times when I wondered what kind of mother I would have been to them. I always liked to think that I would have been a good mom and I'm happy to hear someone else sees that too. Maybe, I would have to talk to Piety of course and I would like the father to be someone that I really care about this time.” Mittani of course fame to mind as he always did when she thought about becoming a mother again.

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Fade with your response?

Lenae couldn't help but wonder what the mystery Father had-inadvertently or otherwise- done to Cheedo's pups. What sort of man had he been? Lenae couldn't help but wonder if he wasn't such a good one, after all there wasn't much affection in her friend's voice. It was almost as though she was bitter, not just over the loss of her pups but perhaps...how he'd treated her too. The Selwyn shook her head, she couldn't help but wonder if she was reading too deep into it, she wasn't a smart girl there was no use trying to play the detective. When Cheedo continued once more she couldn't have made her feelings more clear. Someone that I really care about this time.

Lenae could understand that, having someone she trusted to help her along the way-and once the litter was born- truly did help. She honestly didn't know what she would do if she had to go it alone, in a pack or otherwise.

"I'm sure Piety will understand."As for the issue of finding a uh...willing dance partner well... Lenae shifted her weight from paw to paw."You have plenty of time till next spring, maybe you'll find someone by then? Someone who's good to you, like Wraith was to Piety."Perhaps she shouldn't have said that, but the words just slipped out.

Fading and archiving

It was a little strange sharing what had happened to her children with someone. She had spoken of them in the past but not Inna's much detail as she was with Lenae. Cheedo didn't know if that meant that she was starting to move past what had happened or not. In a way it did help to finally share with someone what she had gone through. The tawny woman didn't know if her friend knew Craw or even that he was the father of her children. That didn't matter because she now felt that she had put being his wife past her and she was ready to move on from that.

She'd come to the Tarn firstly to support Piety but also she wanted a new start. She'd discovered that she might truly be ready for it and now she didn't want to waste any more time as it slowly ticked away from her.

“I hope so, I've been too afraid to talk to her about it.” She admitted though her fear didn't come from Piety not understanding. She was afraid that she would be told she couldn't have a family of her own. “Maybe I will. I worry I might have missed my chance to have someone like Piety had Wraith because I wasn't ready before.”

Fade

(This post was last modified: Jul 04, 2018, 01:27 PM by Cheedo.)

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