Askan ran till his sides heaved, till his vision blurred and his paws ached. That fucker. He shouldn't have let him go- not after he had the nerve to spout such bull-shittery. He walked right up to him as though the 'neural lands' were his own, he'd held himself all high and mighty, like Askan was supposed to pay him dues- like he was supposed to revere and respect him. Fuck that. He'd let him live.... Like he had any authority over him. But what hurt the most was the fact that he'd taken Craw up on that offer. He'd ran away with his tail between his legs. Craw was worse than any imagined demon, he was the devil himself. Askan wanted him dead. He'd kill him as soon as he got the chance. And oh how he'd enjoy it. Nothing could be sweeter. He could imagine it clear as day, he could almost taste the salty twang of blood on his tongue. Only to realise a second later that it was his own.
He could have- no should have- gone back to the den, but couldn't take it, he couldn't just lay back down and pretend as though nothing had happened. He felt as though he was choking, drowning in a ocean of his own incompetency and cowardice. Why did he even bother? He couldn't do anything right he couldn't even-
Askan collided with a tree at full force and collapsed to the icy ground, with a pained 'ooof'.
For several long moments he just laid there, holding his breath and staring up at the night sky. And then with a sigh, his eyes flickered closed with uncharacteristic calm. He basked in the sharp pain that addled his head. It hurt. His ears were ringing and dots danced about on the back of his eyelids. But this kind of hurt, it felt nice. It felt good even. Or at the very least it felt better than the sensation that was tearing through his chest. For a moment he didn't know what it was- no he didn't care what it was. He just wanted it to stop, he wanted to breathe. His chest was shaking, shuddering, but he wasn't out of breath anymore. It hurt. It really hurt.
Askan scrambled to his feet and with all the force he could muster he slammed his head into the trunk of the offending tree. This hurt was better than that hurt. But still, it wasn't enough to stop the hiccups from escaping his lips- nor the pathetic sobs that soon followed.
Fuck, he was a mess wasn't he?