Magg's eyes cast down when he spoke again. She had indeed known it was possible, but the feeling in the moment of everything that little act had meant had been overwhelming. Then it had been, she supposed, worth it. Now, of course, it very much wasn't, because she hadn't gotten away with it. Instead of being just a private, cherished memory, it had changed her life completely and transparently. So, in short, there had been no plan at all for this.
Then, finally, the fog was cleared. There was little that really surprised her. Of course she was going to be a mother to her own children, and obviously that involved providing for them. Still, those words burned in her ears. It was happening now, that reality was settling in, any denial she'd held over the past week thoroughly dissipated. She didn't want it, though. Magg knew deep within her bones that she not only wasn't ready to put others before herself and be responsible for their development, but that she hadn't been meant for a role like this at all. There was nothing about her that would make for a good mom. What was that going to do to the innocent lives she'd started, no matter how well-fed and protected they might be?
'You and the father - if he is a member of the pack - will both be demoted in rank to lowest.'
Embarrassment heated her face, and her eyes pinched with anger, though this ire was mostly for herself. She gritted her jaw, and still had not looked up, doing her best not to show too much. Lowest. It rang repeatedly through her head like a clangorous bell, deafening and enraging. It was bad enough that she could not hide her pregnancy, but there had still been aspects of it all that she could have maintained secrecy about. This gouged the wound open even wider, another brand that seared. They would not have more of her. No longer left hanging in the air, she was finally in a position to make a move of her own, to take back even a fraction of that control she was so desperate for.
Still, this was mortifying for her to even approach speaking about such private things with her father. Her mouth opened and closed with both hesitation and a severe need to pick her words right.
"I didn't want this to affect anybody else," her voice was soft in volume but firm in tone, and her gaze had settled at Nash's paws.
"I just..." she pressed her eyes closed a moment, "I don't want to talk about what I wanted," and she hoped dearly that he would just accept that, "but hurting you and Mom wasn't it.
There's no one else, Dad," her gaze met his then, earnest yet darkened, knowing what she was consigning herself to, "I made sure of that much. I didn't want any of it to be permanent."